I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
