I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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