we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
