I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
