If that was your dad, he is hot
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
