she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
its liver damage thursday
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
