Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
