he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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