i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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