new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
