His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
