Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
