I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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