Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
