I smell stomach acid.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
