If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
