Screwed.edu
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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