You're so nebulous sometimes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
