It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
