I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
