I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
