I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
