Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
