the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
