I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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