I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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