i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I skipped work to stalk him.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize