we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
