Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
