like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
