My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
