She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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