Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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