Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
