Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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