so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
