Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize