yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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