Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
