Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
