Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You smell like stripper and shame
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
