I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize