Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
