and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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