Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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