so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
