nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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