Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
