you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
