I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
