Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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