Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Another day, another engagement, another cat
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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