This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
