Need sex. Gaining weight.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
