Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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