Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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