Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
