If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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