this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
