Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What did we do last night that was yellow?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
