I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
