If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize