yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish they made helmets for livers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lo siento on account of my penis...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
