So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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