if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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