so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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